you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
