so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I will pee on everything he values.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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