apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
