My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
