Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
