Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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