Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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