All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
