Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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