Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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