Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
