Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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