I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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