Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
