I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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