Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All the doctor said was why
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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