If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
