i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
