I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
