And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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