Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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