I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
