Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
