That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
