Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
