I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
