My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
