I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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