he wants to bone in the snuggie
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
