You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just had sex bonerless
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
