you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want to make out with him forever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I woke up under a house in Key West
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
