is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
