How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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