were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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