So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
