I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
