it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
