i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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