I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
