Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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