she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
