i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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