The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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