you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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