YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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