Pants 0. Shit 1.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You had me at "let me see your balls"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
