Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
