home. puking in laundry basket.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
