put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
