She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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