And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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