I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
