just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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