awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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