I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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