I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
