He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
