You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
