"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
birth control should be required to get into college
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
