Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
