no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
