I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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