Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
