Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bring me that man meat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
