Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
