fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i have two assholes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
