stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
